kent - 747

Your Secret by Jean-Sebastien Monzani

Last Pillar

Magnificent structure imposing itself on the top of the little hill, promissing that forever would rest upon the sight of everyone in this world.

Eras passed by and rock after rock the building was loosing its place among the peoples hearts, scrumbles rolled down. One of its collumn was lost in the worst storm of words sparkeld only by a lonely cloud. Then the other two drowned in a terrific flood, that killed the liberties of thousands arround.

At this point, the only standing pillar was on a constant struggled with the powerfull elements. The East pillar trying to resist to the tears that were trying to erupt keep the fight to mantain the legacy its proud past.

The winter came, and with it the long coat of white snow covering every single thing in this land. Little translucid crystals entered the structure of the pillar, constantly growing in strenght while the pillar was lossing it's ground.

Eventually a enormous bang was heard across the universe, it was the sound of the last pillar colapsing in the dirt, and then all of the inocence dreams were lost with it...

The legacy was broken..

Never lovers

I find myself in such a terrible anger! This little childish girls have been under my skin and seting roots in my stupid mind for months now, no matter what efforts i've been doing to change this amazingly upseting reality.

I wanna LEAVE, SCREAM, never see one of this nails craved into my naive heart, never seen those smiles that are just a enormous mask covering their fears and disbelieve in another human beeing.

Every single day I have to live with the dead possibilities of sharing and conquering the once most pure heart that my fingers had the possibility to touch.

Those possibilities that I have been constructing in my decent mind will never become a reality, I know this now. So much of me in them, so much that I have lost from all of this, how can I take it back?

I wonder if I ever will think that all of this is worth a posibility of owning one's heart

December!

Last month of this year, it's time to make all those promissies for next year and stuff, well at least for other people, 'cause it's being a while since I know that my promisses won't stick :P

So what does it change for me? Well, I communly associate December with August. For many stupid reasons, the best being that I spent both months at my parent's. Since I was a child I loved the Hotness eheh of August and the Cold in December.

Both have been in many gigabites of photos in my pc, and used them in my crapy videos. But still, while I love them, there are so many people who hate one or the other.. I simply like the SIMPLICITY, they're allways black and White, and nothing else is...

A little history lesson

Just sick of all the miss information about Portuguese past, I decided to inform:

The pre-roman Land, before 2nd BC

in the North with Gallaecci tribes, in the centre Lusitani tribes and Celtici tribes in the south among others:

Roman conquest: 2nd Century bc - 5th Century Ac

romans came and conquered all of the peninsula

Germanic kingdoms - 5th - 8th Century

The barbarian's invasion of the peninsula lead to the Suevi Kingdom and the Visigothic Kingdom were formed

  

 then the visigoths conquered all of the peninsula

then come the moors - 8th - 9th Century

Al-Andaluz, was the name for the peninsula given by them, there was just a strip of land that they couldn't conquerer, because of the guerrilla still movment in the north of the peninsula

Then the franks, and other cristian peoples invaded the iberian peninsula, and trough that conquest, the Portuguese kingdom as well as the spanish came to existence

that's the true, and very simplified story of the portuguese land

rosebuds

Oh misterius trees where have i seen you lately? How can i turn you back into this path that you've been commiting to? How can i explain to you that this is your life as much as mine and we have to begin the hard work, not just this words throned in the winds, but red actions..

The storm is aproaching and it's going to hit us in the foreseable future and you just get standing there.. Am i too cautious? To deep in this commitmen, I really have to stop doing those.. Beautiful red rosebuds that are ready to blossom, even if you can't see it i can distinguish a warm light comming out of your petals trying to brust out, but it gets to frustratung trying to make you realise that for yourselfs.

I'm lost in your woods with nothing to scream, nothing to do, all i can do is to get lost between those leafs left by those past actons or try to get the work done alone. You'll be losing the most of it, but i've growned so used to that, that i don't even remember over the eons.

Chapter 3

The story of an old addict to this kind of confessions to hisself. This will be the 3rd stage that i've been on in this borrowed city. A brand new life, with a slight different set of rules. I'm about to try to change in a way that i've never tried before. Not talking about any of the projects of my associations, i'm talking about putting myself first in my list of priorities for the first time in years.

Trully, i'm very affraid of going on with this trough, getting rid of all this sand that has been accumulating around my bear feet and simply leave this estate. This 2nd chapter was preaty good, but it's coming to an end. I can't linger on it, i must prepare myself to embrace, what feels like a dramatic change.

I always have to keep in mind, "Remember of the constalation of the lion under the white tree with those 5 marks engraved!"

Never looking back

How much I wanted to be like that.. Remembering of the past, focusing in the future, stuck between two different wave leghths that aren't quite mine at this point, trying always to make them as much part of my life as i possibly can. Ahead comes the unkown, behind comes the obvius truth, here is the noisy time machine from a sci-fi programme, that dosen't allow myself to be in another timeline than this one here, where i feel somehow unconfortable.

This symetry in my mind is a cold prove that all mt toughts are not making as much sense witten as they were in my confused and sleepy mind. Wondering of all of this stones are a part of my stupid little thoughts! The new and the newest are allways a part of me, than this awfall silence that i feel rising inside of mt skin, trying to reach out into my atmosphere.

I've always declared myself to be an enemy of this kind of silence. Just one more day combating it in every single chance that i get, i won't go down so easilly!

Saliva

Your saliva, what private matter to be passing around, so full of germs, bacterias and viruses.. but still i long to be touched by your stupid saliva.. How much i miss to be tuched by your filthy, dirty and unholly saliva! I should fear it, for all it could cause me. Being a part of what caused and causes me to think unracionally, and i keep on dreaming of it, longing.. desiring it..

So mad that i find myself thinking like a small child with its first crush. How can i tell you that my head fancies you, but my heart is still offering so much resistence? Should i simply give up? I ought to be more persistent in this heart affairs! But how can i be more than nothing? How can i fall in you with this lack of saliva that i encounter right here? Still expecting for the future, always hoping to never look back.

Have i told you latetly

So many days that have passed by and you feel like it's yesterday. 'til this awfull day comes and you realised that you've been stuck in time for a while now, and this ungratefull feeling fills you up and you just need to break free of this miserable cycle.

Wondering how, dreaming of what it could be, wishing for the present never to pass you by. I'm missing the future to be. Stupid river of expectations that leads to that desert of sand and sorrow.. Where are those maps that pin point those amazing oasis that colour you up and give birth to fantastic forms of life in your mind?

Death is always present everywhere, in every person one day or another. I'm just sorry about all those magnetic things that still trap me into the metal of the fabric of your dreams

Cigarrete

Yet another cigarrete...

I wonder how long it will be 'til i make the final step towards the ending of this curse...

Seeing myself a volunteer prisioner of this stupid thing makes me analising how much of me is already lost in all of this and wich are those wonderfull caracteristics that i trully have lost and those that I will be reganing, as it were a tv contest, after my withdraw.

Gessing that some day i'll have to deal with this stupid question in my mind, that one that had made me see so many nights from the matress. The only way that i'll get the answer will be by putting this thought in practice, make it come true no matter how much it disapoints me and otheres, no matter how it will cost.

But when it will be a good time to do so? I keep on lying to myself, another day wont matter...